From Appreciation to Resentment

I’d like to start this off with a quote from a book by Dr. Robert Lupton called Toxic Charity,

“Giving to those in need what they could be gaining from their own initiative may well be the kindest way to destroy people.”

Dr. Lupton warns of 5 downward steps to dependency: Appreciation, Anticipation, Expectation, Entitlement, and Dependency. The “dependency” here could be anything; emotional, financial, moral, etc. What he means with that is:

If you give something to somebody once, you’ll get appreciation. You give it a second time, you’ll create anticipation. If you give it a third time, you’ll create expectation. If you give it a fourth time, you’ll create entitlement. If you give it a fifth time, you’ll create dependency.

Now what happens when you stop? What happens when you realize you created a toxic dependency in someone? What happens when that dependency suffocates you?!

That’s when appreciation turns into resentment.

The person who depended on you now resents you for not giving; and you resent the person you’ve given so much to for being so oblivious and not stepping up.

What do you do then? What are the ramifications? Is that something you could come back from?

I’m afraid the answer is No!

Having learned this the very hard way, here’s my advice: do not create a dependency; encourage self-reliance, healthy autonomy, create an ecosystem of mutual support… that’s how relationships, all of them, should be.

Sustainable relationships are built on mutual growth, not harmful dependence.

Well folks, this was my Verbal Breakdown, till the next one, keep it safe, keep it real, and keep it simple.

Ralph

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