So, When Did We Become Our Parents?

Do you remember the time when you said, “my parents are boring”?

Do you remember the time when you said, “I will never end up like that”?

Do you remember the time when you said, “I will not treat my kids the way you treat me”?

Do you remember the time when you said, “I will let my kids make their own choices”?

And many many more…

How many of us said those phrases above? And better yet, how many of us were true to their promises? Let me make this simple, none of us!

There is something about the way we were raised that is difficult to unlearn. So, when the going gets tough, we go back to what we know. Here are a few ways in which we become our parents:

Togetherness. When I was a little boy, my mom would make sure we all sat in front of the TV in the evening, then she’d make us dinner and tea (or juice depending on the season), then she’d bring it in, she and my dad would join us, and we’d all sit together. Nowadays, it’s my go-to trick with my kids every night… I’m a genius when it comes to making sandwiches and I love spending those times with them; it doesn’t happen every night, but as often as I can. Luckily, the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree on this one.

Tradition. The way we celebrate our holidays (Christmas, birthdays, Easter, etc.) My kids are still young, but I try to celebrate each holiday with them properly and honor the traditions my parents instilled in me in always being together on those special occasions.

Protectiveness. There was never a time during my childhood when I ever felt unsafe or worried about something bad happening. Now as an adult, I know very well that times weren’t always great for them, but they never showed that to us kids. I would do anything and everything to keep my own kids safe. This one is a given, but one they taught me well.

Discipline. I use this one lightly because, as a kid, I wasn’t easy to handle! I was always in trouble and my mom had creative punishments — but they were harsh at times. I try to use the same approach with my kids- not as harsh though. I let them know who’s boss, but also try and let them figure out some of it on their own so that they can develop the skills to decipher what is right and wrong without me always having to tell them. However, if they get it wrong more than twice, let’s just say I can write books on creative (and educational) modes of punishments.

Practicality. My parents had 5 kids. Most activities, meals, or purchases were done so with the idea to kill two birds with one stone. Clothes were carefully picked for hand-me downs, toys were picked with a common interest, and if one happened to like something that the group didn’t… tough shit!

Fast forward to me for example, 3 kids, they grow so fast, and their feet grow even faster! Good quality shoes are pretty expensive, so colors and models are strategically selected to pass from the girls to the boy without embarrassment. We do the same with toys, try to find something for everyone but focus more on the togetherness and the sharing. Things were kept simple, and that’s something I’ve carried over into my own parenting. I try not to make things harder than they need to be.

Self-care. My dad was a blue-collar man his entire life… so as you can imagine, not a lot of time for hobbies or “me” (him) time. After he retired, he found himself immersed in reading and going to church. Now that I’m a parent, I wholeheartedly get why it is vital to take care of yourself in order to take better care of your kids. I recently re-found my passion for Darts and invested my spare time in it as a source of stress release for me.

But I’ll tell you what! If you turned out alright (i.e., not a psychopath, a serial killer, or anything so messed up!), that means your parents didn’t do a bad job after all. So, turning out like them may not be the worst thing in the world.

Our generation is different, our kids are different, we have more technology than our parents could ever fathom, and we have more obstacles than they ever faced. But the fundamentals are the same. Eventually, we all want what is best for our kids who think they know better than us… just like we knew better than our parents.

If you’re from my generation, you might remember a TV sitcom called Full House… if you do, you will like the newer version of this show called “Fuller House” — it talks about 3 generations living in the same house in a very funny way.

Well folks, this was my Verbal Breakdown for this week. Have a great week and see you in the next one.

Till then, keep it safe, keep it real, and keep it simple.

Ralph

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